Chance Given

09. August 2014 Uncategorized 0

“What do you want to do with your life?” Is it me, or is that one of the worst questions someone can ask, I mean it’s almost worse than my Dad’s “What are your short-term and long-term goals?” Growing up I used to cringe every time he asked me that because I knew what he wanted me to say. I also knew that what he wanted me to say were HIS goals for me and they were never really MY own goals. So I’d say what he wanted to hear, but I’d find it really uncomfortable because it was like telling a really big lie that made him proud of me.

Over the past couple of weeks a lot of people have been asking me this question, so I decided to explore why I struggle with this question and I came up with a few theories. (I’ve also been reading a lot of Chimamanda, so please forgive me if I plagiarise).

“The Accountability Theory” – I know what I want to do, but I’m too scared to say it because then I am accountable to it. What if I get bogged down by life and decide not to do it, or what if I really do go for and it fails?

“The But Why Theory” – Why do you want to know what I want to do, if I tell you this, what are you going to do with this information? Will you judge me because what I want to do, only very few people are successful at it?

“C’est la vie Theory”– (the one we shall further explore) – I actually don’t know what I want to do. I just do what I need to do. As long as it pays the bills, allows me to shop, support others at home and puts a roof over my head and I get a pay rise each year, I’m content.

I am not wired to do what I feel like doing e.g. take a break from life/work and travel for a year. I am wired to work hard through the struggle and think of others who may need my help. My upbringing says it is not normal to quit your job and do what you love. E.g. I was horrible in maths, I hated maths. I didn’t get it (I know, funny, she works in banking). My maths teacher looked my father in the eye and told him Mati will struggle with A level maths, she’s already struggling with O level maths. One lecture from Dad about how maths will open doors and how I need to quit that modelling and fashion nonsense, I was back in A level maths. I like how Chimamanda summarises it, ‘I am wired to take the roads that life dictates to me, not to dictate to life the roads I shall take’. The irony is that I now live in a world that says …you are free to be who you want to be, dream big, the opportunities are endless. I also married a man who says stop thinking about all the “what ifs”, just do what you want to do babe”. Eg: quit your job if you hate it, and pursue your fashion business, we’ll make it work” . At the end of the day I find myself constantly having internal battles over what I should do vs what I want to do.

I’m pretty sure a wise man once said “freedom is an amazing thing if you know what to do with it. (Not sure I could be making that up). What best to represent freedom than a pair of loose-fitting comfortable Palazzo pants. Just the word “Palazzo” makes me happy. It takes me to the streets of Peru, surrounded by free spirits dancing all night… I digress. If you don’t have a pair , get some! Mine are from River Island Online.They look good on everyone. If you don’t have hips, they create hips, if you do have them they accentuate them beautifully. The crop knit I secretly got from H&M (secretly because I initially hated on all those people queuing outside H&M when it opened in Melbourne). The heels are from Zara, a pop of blue, and that head tie, well its really an old top of mine. Figured I’d re-invent before it retires.

0 thoughts on “Chance Given”

  • 1
    zish on September 18, 2014 Reply

    That question plagued my teenage years rough!i remember when i finished my As i wanted to get into HR and my rents wer like “we dont have money for silly degrees,you need a degree where you become someone”

    • 2
      lentendre on September 19, 2014 Reply

      Haha that question plagued every Zim kid! Lol , not sure HR would’ve cut it, my brother tried to study ” music” it was quickly dismissed, he could’ve been a Trey Songz who knows! Lol. Thanks for checking out my blog appreciate it! Don’t forget to click “follow” for weekly posts 😊

  • 3
    Berni on September 14, 2014 Reply

    I had a conversation about this very “what one SHOULD be doing” issue with mom yesterday. Im ever so grateful that she understood me, having said that, that internal battle is still a challange! Thanks for being such an encouragement through your blog 🙂 The ‘mapalazzo’ (zim accent) are pretty cool too!

    • 4
      lentendre on September 14, 2014 Reply

      Haha Berni, mapallazo! It surely is an internal battle. I’m glad mama understood ! You are soo talented! I really hope you explore that talent 😊 thank you so much for checking out my blog. Means so much to me!

  • 5
    noncibird on August 14, 2014 Reply

    p.s. I’m digging those pants too:)

  • 6
    nonci on August 14, 2014 Reply

    Great read Mati! I LOL’d at your Dad’s questioning, because my Dad was the same – “What’s your plan for the next 5 years – you’ve got yo have a plan you know!”. That question plagued my childhood and teenage years and I always knew when it would come up, and in response i started looking through our massive Oxford Dictionary for different professions that i could spout out at the dinner table, that would hopefully be impressive enough to wave off further questioning for an extended period of time 🙂 Fast forward to uni-life, studying a degree i thought sounded interesting enough on television and not satisfied. More degrees didn’t bring any further satisfaction and that question “What do you want to do?” used to annoy the heck out of me because i used to think ‘I’ve never been allowed to really want what i want” (because people i listened to told me what i really wanted to do would never pay the bills!). Preaching about ‘living out your dreams’ awakened an intense desire to search out what I actually wanted – probably one of the biggest struggles of my life – asking myself what i wanted to do, not just what i could do or what i should do for the sake of others. A friend once said to me “How would you feel if one day you were walking down the street and you saw your dream calling out someone elses name?”. That was it – a switch went off in my brain and i recognised that the desires in my heart weren’t just mine alone, but also God’s dreams for me – that’s why He put them there. Following your dreams may be hard, but its not impossible – Keep going for it Mati – you’re the only one who can do it.

    • 7
      lentendre on August 14, 2014 Reply

      Wow Nonci! Your post just made my afternoon. Laughed so hard at your dad’s question, exactly the same for me . Gosh ! Those questions were the the Bain of my existence I tell you. But I understand they just wanted to keep me focused on success. It has taken a lot of preaching, a lot of lectures from hubby , a lot of praying , and lot of conversations to get to me to step out of “living to make my parents proud” , and I’m starting to take some control , and I’m exploring me. ( hense the blog) Thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment! It means so much to me! Can I also just encourage you to Keep going for YOUR dreams , you are so gifted and you deserve it, do it for you! X

  • 9
    undere on August 11, 2014 Reply

    We were raised by a risk averse generation in a world that requires us to take risks (Zim parents & teachers what they taught us worked in their time). I feel you on every level on this one. You are already on the right track, keep preparing for your opportunity Mati. Next time you ask yourself or anyone asks what you want to do your response “I’m doing it now” even if you aren’t, whatever you are doing now is your preparation for your moment or your thing. Martin Luther king said it best when he spoke about Kronos meeting kairos (preparation meets opportunity). Love the outfit btw 😍😍. I’m so gonna try the old top turned head band trick.

    • 10
      lentendre on August 11, 2014 Reply

      Gosh! That is so profound! You literally summarised everything I was trying to say In a simple paragraph haha I’m so long winded! I’m so glad you understand what I am going through, you have given me such a positive perspective . I love that. ” I am already doing what I want to do”you are so right !! I am being prepared each day, so I shouldn’t worry about where I am now or how to answer that question. That just encouraged me so much! Thank you for reaching out. I’d love to keep in contact. Please send me an email

      • 11
        Anonymous on August 13, 2014 Reply

        I will most certainly drop you an email. 🙂

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