Pre : Post

13. October 2014 Love 8

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Needless to say the conversation about ‘Relationship rules’ continued throughout the week. It got me thinking about this book that Tapi and I read a few months after our wedding ‘The 5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. Each chapter leaves you gob-smacked and it’s literally ‘aha’ moment after aha! (the term ‘aha moment’ won’t make sense to you if you’re not as borderline Oprah obsessed as I am). This book has a wealth of learning for any type of relationship be it friendships or family but especially for young couples. Chapman talks about what he believes are the five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. ‘Words Of Affirmation’ ‘Quality Time’ ‘Receiving Gifts’ ‘Acts Of Service’ and ‘Physical Touch’. I could  write for days on everything I took from this book, but I’ll give you a simple example of how things worked pre and post this book between Tapi and I.

Pre this book I used to try really hard to be ‘super-wife’. (OK, i still do but I’m better now). I’d constantly be doing stuff around the house,  cleaning, cooking, packing lunches, making him snacks, folding his clothes. In my mind I was doing it for him because I love him and naturally, i’d find it really annoying and frustrating that he didn’t feel the need to do the same for me too. Meanwhile, he would be wondering why i was always busy doing other things (that he barely noticed)  instead of spending time with him and just hanging out and talking. There was this massive mis-communication where I felt really unappreciated and he felt non-existent to me… (You should all be going ahaaa at this point). Fast forward, now post reading the book he likes to surprise me with little ‘Acts Of Service’ now and again eg. I get home from work, a bubble bath is running for me , Mary J Blige in the background, the house is spotless and dinner is almost ready… Ok I know any woman would love that but seriously though, for me it’s deeper than that. The fact that he has gone to the effort to do all this for me tells me the most that he loves me. On his side of things I’ve realised that turning off the TV, putting my phone away and giving him all my attention means the world to him. I see his eyes light up at the fact that I’m giving him all of me in that moment.

Speaking of moments , we had a few moments of sun this weekend. I say moment because we’re back to grey skies and rain this week. The sun came out to play and so did the legs. I wasn’t ready to bare my full limbs so I debuted my croquet kimono and it served well as the perfect cover up. The shorts are another DIY project of mine. I got these from Glassons on sale but never wore them because I felt they weren’t the right length for my legs, so I cut them a few inches shorter and used a razor to distress the edges to give that tattered look. Personally though, I’m more excited about Tapi’s look. It’s all about unexpected pairing. I gave him creative free reign and this is what happened. I won’t lie i almost objected when he reached for the tie, but it adds some character and after all, isn’t that what playing dress up is all about. Add a bright floral shirt, a tye-dye denim vest, a green plaid tie some dark blue jeans and this is what you get, contrast!

In the words of Mr Chapman himself “Love need not evaporate after the wedding , in order to keep it alive most of us will have to learn a secondary love language”.

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8 thoughts on “Pre : Post”

  • 1
    Dee on October 21, 2014 Reply

    Great post, theres also a 5 love languages for singles, good read for all waiting for the one he he :). His books on this topic are amazing, yes so many AHAaaaaaa moments, xo

    • 2
      L'entendre on October 22, 2014 Reply

      Is there a book for singles?! I had nooo idea! Thats awsome! I must also read that one! Thanks for posting! Feeling the love.x

  • 3
    Anonymous on October 15, 2014 Reply

    Love the post 🙂 and love your style. I reckon the book ‘The 5 love languages’ will be my next read, thanks for sharing.

    • 4
      L'entendre on October 19, 2014 Reply

      Thank you!! Please do get this book! It will change your life forever , ipromise i’m not exagerating! 😊Thanks for taking the time to visit the blog!

  • 5
    Anonymous on October 14, 2014 Reply

    Hi there. I am not fortunate to have read the book. Even if it had been available I might not get the time. I agree with what you have written. Love is about giving and taking. Working the balance is always a challenge. The two of you have style. I am sure what ever you guys wear would come out on point. As a couple you have the aha factor. Bapa.

    • 6
      L'entendre on October 15, 2014 Reply

      It’s a must read! I think you’ll enjoy it! I believe the author is in a similar field to yours! Lol @ “on point”

  • 7
    Thelma on October 14, 2014 Reply

    I love that book! I also had several “AHA” moments when I read it, and it taught me a lot about myself and my love languages (I am all five 😀 but the most important, they are on par, are QT and Acts of Service), as well as how to recognize my significant other’s love language without necessarily being told. Highly recommend this book.

    The croquet kimono! I need a piece like that in my closet for next summer. It’s the perfect cover up. It’s demure, it’s flattering, and it exposes just enough skin without putting you totally out there. I like it a lot. It’s definitely a must have piece. And Tapi’s look, soooo dope. That floral print shirt and the tye dye denim vest! So Dope! You guys are just style icons in the making!

    • 8
      L'entendre on October 15, 2014 Reply

      Lol Thelma I thought you could only be one of the the five! Tapi reckons his a mixture of QT, WOA and physical touch , hameno zva Tapi but 😏 suspect! Love that book , about to read it again . Kimono is a MuST! It saves the day and you’re right very flattering ! Wow @ style icons ! Hehe but I will take that compliment thank you!!

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