Needless to say the conversation about ‘Relationship rules’ continued throughout the week. It got me thinking about this book that Tapi and I read a few months after our wedding ‘The 5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. Each chapter leaves you gob-smacked and it’s literally ‘aha’ moment after aha! (the term ‘aha moment’ won’t make sense to you if you’re not as borderline Oprah obsessed as I am). This book has a wealth of learning for any type of relationship be it friendships or family but especially for young couples. Chapman talks about what he believes are the five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. ‘Words Of Affirmation’ ‘Quality Time’ ‘Receiving Gifts’ ‘Acts Of Service’ and ‘Physical Touch’. I could write for days on everything I took from this book, but I’ll give you a simple example of how things worked pre and post this book between Tapi and I.
Pre this book I used to try really hard to be ‘super-wife’. (OK, i still do but I’m better now). I’d constantly be doing stuff around the house, cleaning, cooking, packing lunches, making him snacks, folding his clothes. In my mind I was doing it for him because I love him and naturally, i’d find it really annoying and frustrating that he didn’t feel the need to do the same for me too. Meanwhile, he would be wondering why i was always busy doing other things (that he barely noticed) instead of spending time with him and just hanging out and talking. There was this massive mis-communication where I felt really unappreciated and he felt non-existent to me… (You should all be going ahaaa at this point). Fast forward, now post reading the book he likes to surprise me with little ‘Acts Of Service’ now and again eg. I get home from work, a bubble bath is running for me , Mary J Blige in the background, the house is spotless and dinner is almost ready… Ok I know any woman would love that but seriously though, for me it’s deeper than that. The fact that he has gone to the effort to do all this for me tells me the most that he loves me. On his side of things I’ve realised that turning off the TV, putting my phone away and giving him all my attention means the world to him. I see his eyes light up at the fact that I’m giving him all of me in that moment.
Speaking of moments , we had a few moments of sun this weekend. I say moment because we’re back to grey skies and rain this week. The sun came out to play and so did the legs. I wasn’t ready to bare my full limbs so I debuted my croquet kimono and it served well as the perfect cover up. The shorts are another DIY project of mine. I got these from Glassons on sale but never wore them because I felt they weren’t the right length for my legs, so I cut them a few inches shorter and used a razor to distress the edges to give that tattered look. Personally though, I’m more excited about Tapi’s look. It’s all about unexpected pairing. I gave him creative free reign and this is what happened. I won’t lie i almost objected when he reached for the tie, but it adds some character and after all, isn’t that what playing dress up is all about. Add a bright floral shirt, a tye-dye denim vest, a green plaid tie some dark blue jeans and this is what you get, contrast!
In the words of Mr Chapman himself “Love need not evaporate after the wedding , in order to keep it alive most of us will have to learn a secondary love language”.