A few years ago whilst speaking to our marital mentors, they mentioned that when they were in the early stages of their relationship they decided to right down some basic relationship “household rules” for each other, just so things were clear from the beginning and the expectations and boundaries were set. So this week we finally got to the task and started talking about some of our own rules. It’s still a work in progress but i thought it would be interesting if i shared some of those rules with you and got your opinion. I’ll be honest, most of the rules originated from yours truly, maybe because i generally have more to say and i naturally over think things, but once we started to discuss things i managed to get a bit more than “more snacks in the house” from Tapi. We didn’t agree on everything but here’s a bit of what we talked about.
Mati: We go to bed together : I function better with structure in my life. I need to feel like I’m in some kind of system. It’s weird to some. Tapi can’t handle it. E.g. He’s always trying to get us to swap sides of the bed, just to “try something different” I’m like…But why? The thought of that actually freaks me out…He doesn’t like structure or routine so it frustrates him that I want to go to bed at the same time everyday and that I MUST sleep on MY side of the bed every night on MY pillow…this structure thing is an issue…all will be revealed further below.
Tapi: We must try to be Spontaneous: This goes back to the whole structure conversation…Tapi thinks of an idea, he must act now, or he sees something he likes, he must buy it there and then. I prefer if things are planned so I’m a bit more mentally prepared. I blame my dad, “ Mati you must always have a plan, have a plan A and a plan B”. However i am learning that apparently variety is the spice of life. Is that how the saying goes? Anyway… i get it. Life would be boring without a BIT of spontaneity.
Mati: No sleeping in the other room : Tapi at times prefers to sleep in the other room especially if he’s upset with me…probably because I want to keep “talking about it” when he doesn’t want to. This leads me to my next rule.
Mati: When someone is upset we must talk about it before bed : No going to bed upset with each other…I like to talk things through, nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. Tapi calls it confrontation and prefers to sleep on it till the next day when we’re both not so emotional…thoughts anyone? After discussing this one at length with a girlfriend i concluded that after an arguement guys can simply roll over and fall asleep.Women on the other hand we keep replaying the situation the words, tossing and turning getting angrier at the fact that he is ACTUALLY sleeping.
Tapi: Speak to me nicely : Ok, I don’t yell but Iet’s just say I can be overly assertive at times. I grew up in a house where people shout. They laugh really loudly they are always in your face, hardly knock before entering…you get the picture. To tell the truth i only realised this was actually shouting when i spent my first night at Tapi’s house and people spoke so gently. Poor Tapi struggled initially to tell the difference between when my dad is angry or happy because he just shouts 24/7… So i guess i can understand how my tone can translate to aggression towards him.
Mati: No friends of the opposite sex that we’re not both friends with : My husband is a friendly guy, he befriends anyone and has a special gift of making people feel good about themselves. I love that about him, but sometimes in this world where the ratio of men to woman is dwindling at an exponential rate, his personality tends to confuse some women. Before you start judging me, I know, at this point i sound like one of those crazy insecure african wives. Not the case at all. I am just a firm believer in protecting your relationship and managing the friendships we bring into our marriage, even those of the same sex.These people can have a strong influence in your relationship. Beware the company you keep.
This week I’m wearing a piece by my girls at Cocoseed. These girls are the company i like to keep. Cocoseed are one of many budding Zimbabwean labels creating clothing is for every woman out there. Their creations are a fusion of Zimbabwean culture with current “high street” trends and this summer “cut out” dress is a perfect example. With summer on the way this dress is so fun and flirty It even got a girl skipping. I’ve worn it with a men’s shirt to add that element of afro retro chic. If you add a pair of bright coloured heels you could have a last minute wedding outfit or pair it with a pair of white Tommies like i have and you immediately keep the look playful and fresh.
Whether you’re in a new relationship or if you’re a few years down the road I encourage you to write down and discuss some basic rules with your better half, just so you have agreed standards to which you hold each other accountable to. It also sets a foundation rooted in love and a mutual respect and it will keep your partner madly in love with you!!