The Modern Day Muroora

05. August 2015 Love 26

It’s certainly a hot topic when Zimbos come together. Especially in my circles, probably because all our friends are in that phase of their life where they’re looking for a husband or a wife or they  just got engaged or married or are a few years into marriage. So why is it such a debatable topic? My thinking is that we were raised as Zimbabwean women and men and watched our mothers and fathers play that role according to our culture. We then left home at the tender age of eighteen to study and ended up making the diaspora our home. We’ve had to soak in this new life, environment and society, one that could be described as having no real protocols and no one culture that governs our behavior or teaches us how to be a “good wife” or husband. Contrary to our upbringing, especially as girls where every single day of your life you are being groomed to be a good wife by Zimbabwean standards. We also have the bible which gives us clear guidance in Ephesians 5:22-33 although it can be misinterpreted, and of course the Proverbs 31 woman (who leaves us women wondering if she even had a 9-5, I mean really?). So where does that leave the modern-day Muroora?

This past weekend we were invited to a friend’s house cooling, (yes I know, I’d never heard of a “house cooling” either) for those of you wondering what it is and before you go ahead and google it, it’s a farewell/packing up of the house.  I arrived at the house cooling first as Tapi had another engagement and was to come over a little later. The food was brought out and everyone began to dish their food. Ms Mati began to dish two plates, one for Tapi and one for herself.  I then wrapped Tapi’s food and put it away. The guys noticed this and gave me a weird “you can’t be that hungry” look, and I let them know the other plate was for Tapi because he was coming a little later. To say they were shocked would be an understatement, I’d describe the look on their faces as the kind of face someone would pull if they had bitten into a fifty thousand red chilies. They just couldn’t believe that I would dish his food first and put it away, even though he wasn’t there. I couldn’t understand why this was so surprising, don’t all wives serve their husbands food? Surely they had seen their own mothers do that for their fathers?  I later realised that the shock factor was more because they didn’t expect someone like ME to serve my husband as their own mothers would. Shock that in this day and age a ‘musalad’ wife living in the diaspora still acknowledges her culture but more importantly loves to cater to her man.

I couldn’t fully describe what is ‘to be woman’ or a modern-day muroora, but a few words do come to mind…It’s somewhere between: Lover, Leader, Co-ordinator, Chef, Stylist, Nurse, Psychologist , and looking like a million dollars while doing it all…besides, if he didn’t eat at the house cooling it would mean Ms Mati would be getting home to make dinner right? Yes, Strategic planner.

Dressed by Myer Spring clean sale – Culotte pants by Piper, Houndstooth Poncho by Design Studio and Tony Bianco heels.

26 thoughts on “The Modern Day Muroora”

  • 1
    ru10do on August 11, 2015 Reply

    People get shocked about how I am with Nick even though we aren’t married yet. I love to take care of my man and be all those roles you listed! I grew up seeing my mum cater to my dad in love, and he catered to her and protected her! I definitely value and retain some aspects of culture but with my modern twist! The beauty is, we have God’s Word to guide us.
    What a beautifully written piece!! Love you work!!

    • 2
      L'entendre on August 12, 2015 Reply

      I love how you honour him and I see him honour you in return, it’s beautiful to watch! Ngazvirambe zvakadaro askana! Thank you lovely! So excited for you, can’t wait to see flourish into the ultimate ‘modern day muroora’ . Thanks for visiting too! Xxx

  • 3
    Anonymous on August 7, 2015 Reply

    At least you still cover your head 😂😂😂💦💦

    • 4
      L'entendre on August 8, 2015 Reply

      Gahahahahaahh! Good one! But truth!! 😝

  • 5
    CRusike on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Love this piece Mati, One thing that I have seen, even though I grow up as a ‘musalad’ and now marrying someone in the diaspora, and not from my culture, is that when it comes to culture and traditions, it is not about where you grew i.e. the suburbs v. high density, but HOW you were brought up. From as long as I could remember, when visitors came to our home, they would be surprised with our mannerisms, and how my siblings and I exemplified our culture. Their comments used to annoy me because I didn’t understand why they would expect any less from me? Aren’t I born and raised in Zimbabwean from Zimbabwean parent’s, with the same cultures and traditions as you? Why wouldn’t my parents teach me my culture? So as a future Muroora to my American in laws, the same that I would do for my Zimbabwean in-laws, is how I treat them, simply because that is who I AM and HOW I was raised. No other explanation needed. So go on with your Beautiful, Zimbabwean, Educated, Cultured, self, because yes Zimbabwean woman come with the full package:)

    • 6
      L'entendre on August 8, 2015 Reply

      That’s so true Cheni! Good to hear from you! Not even sure how I feel about that whole “salad” notion but it really does boil down to who you are as a person and your own personal belief system and your upbringing. Your American in laws are blessed to have you, I know you will treat them the way your parents taught you. Thanks for dropping by boo! Congrats on this new chapter in your life! Xxx

  • 7
    Rosie on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Well done you! I made the mistake of not dishing my husband’s plate once (because he was right there and looked ready to dish for himself) and boy oh boy did I get it from my mum, mbuya, tetes the whole clan…even after the closing prayer by my mbuya had to say in front of EVERYONE “next time usakanganwe kupakurira baba first” so yeah…from that day forth thou shalt serve thy husband first has been etched on my mind 🙂

  • 8
    Anonymous on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Taking on this journey called life, I look forward to embracing his (your) culture and expectations I have never experienced… Sure it will be different (at times, hard) and extremly ‘challenging’ when it comes to the formalities, but that’s when we call upon our sisters 😊 I say keep embracing it, continue to enjoy it Mati, and keep doing what you’re doing ‘cos it’s remarkable x
    -A modern day muroora 💕

    • 9
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Awwww! Got me racking my brain tryna think who this “someone” is. You are the definition of a woman, embracing his culture, already ready for the challenge. Get it girl! Thank you for the encouraging words, and dropping by to visit my blog. From one Muroora to another…I got you b! X

  • 10
    Dee on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Such a good read, nailed it Mati.. We so need a tasangana irem on this.. Most single girls in diaspora we leave in a bubble of what we want our marriages to be like, moving our from culture but @ the end of the day its about tending to your man.. As much as we been westernised, we still have our culture to uphold & keep that man ha ha

    • 11
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      We do need a Tasangana on this tho!! Preach Dee! You better learn from our mistakes Shamwari kanganganwa zvehusalad! Go hard or go Home! Teeehee!!

      • 12
        Dee on August 6, 2015 Reply

        Went to a kitchen tea on sunday, & all the advise bride to be was being given was “take care of your man” my perspective on a lot changed yo lol

  • 13
    Tate Banda on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Great read! Really enjoyed it. The role of a muroora is ever evolving with time, just like our culture. However the core values I believe will always remain and that is to cater to your man. Plus to add onto the putting food aside, I on many occasions will take a plate of food home for my hubby if he didn’t come with me, like you said who wants to get home and start cooking lol.

    • 14
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Haaaaaa! You ARE the ultimate strategic planner. But I ain’t even. Tryna front I’m the biggest culprit when it comes to taking a plate for Tapi, my gf’s ain’t even having anymore tho. True, the role is evolving as times are. But thou shalt cater to thy man remains! Thanks for dropping by!

  • 15
    Anonymous on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Love the outfit! Just a thought though, doesn’t the pressure to be cultured, yet still live like a modern woman then mean we are expected to be superheros across the board. Both submissive and dominant, both caretakers of the home as well as career women, everything in one. I don’t have the answer just a lot of thoughts.

    • 16
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      That’s where I was heading in my last paragraph.. I could kept going with all the titles. We do wear ALL the hats. So there is ALOT more pressure and I really do buckle at times to be honest. But sometimes I just wear my superwoman cape with pride and just keep going!

  • 17
    Anonymous on August 6, 2015 Reply

    I think we all adopt certain principles from our upbringing and cultural backgrounds, just not all. I am sure our generation does not kneel with a dish of water for their husband to wash their hands before having sadza. It all goes down to how receptive our partners are towards our ‘salad’ image. I run my husband’s bath every morning, I guess that is equivalent to warming water pamoto for your husband to bath right? Good piece though, very interesting.

    • 18
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Hmmmm! I won’t lie, you had me raising my eyebrows… In good way! Love that you run his bath! Eish, thanks for the heads up! But yea, it seems we have kept certain principles, eg. do we start rattling off mutupo’s before digging into our food? Not that there is anything wrong with that.. But yeah… Sounds like a whole new blog post! Thanks for dropping by! X

  • 19
    Chica Rodrigues on August 6, 2015 Reply

    I had the same happen to me only i was in Zim at the time . I was shocked not everyone does that because thats how i had grown up and witnessed my whole life you , when you go to a function you make sure your mother in law has a plate , your hasband as one as well and if you have kids they eat before you fix your own plate. I guess times have changed .

    • 20
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Hmm the list is long of those who eat before you! Lol ! But I think it’s beautiful Chica, God gave us a heart to serve and good on you for wanting to cater to not only your man But his family as well !

  • 21
    Collzm on August 6, 2015 Reply

    Chikafu chaDhedhi ngachiiswe paside please!

    • 22
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Hahaha I actually can’t with you! Ur silly!

  • 23
    Anonymous on August 6, 2015 Reply

    This piece is interesting. If Zimbo mothers where to write the same piece 30 years ago it would come out the same. They left the rural areas for the city ‘diaspora’ and where in the same predicament. The only constant thing in life is change. As usual modern muroora, ambuya, sisi, and mai is always stylish and on point. Bapa.

    • 24
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Very true BaPa! Our parents made the same move to the ‘diaspora’ and had to learn how to adapt but stay true to their teachings. Thank you!

  • 25
    tkmud1 on August 5, 2015 Reply

    Modern day muroora wears more hats that old school muroora. Glad you’re representing your culture the best way you know how. Those pants, love love love.

    • 26
      L'entendre on August 6, 2015 Reply

      Thank you! As for hats, it’s a modern day take on the dhuku zve! Hehehe! Don’t judge!

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