The Transition

16. August 2015 Truth 13

Reading all your thoughts on ‘The modern day Muroora’ got me really excited. I love it when women talk, when we share our experiences and allow other women to learn from them. The best part comes when we realise we are not alone in our experiences. We connect. I feel like we don’t talk enough though, especially as african women. I mean we talk a lot, but we don’t talk enough about the real stuff, everything else we deal with behind the clothes, nails, heels, recipes and weaves.

I feel it’s a massive gap in our culture. You have so much support leading up to the Lobola and the wedding (almost too much of it), the next day you are perekwad or taken to your in- laws, then everyone goes back to their life and you’re sort of left to your own devices in this new environment. Over night you go from being girl to wife. You are expected to adjust, just as our mothers did. But was it the same for her as it was for me? A Perfect example, I was one of the first to get married in my group of friends, so when we’d go to Zim I’d find myself in situations where my friends would be texting me like ‘are you coming out tonight’ or on group chat talking about ‘see you 7.30, we’ll do dinner’, apa I’d be mid kumona sadza in my mother in law’s kitchen, the lounge full of unexpected visitors here to see Muroora. You would quickly come to the realisation that you’re not going anywhere and it would likely be the second night in a row where you’ve had to bail on the girls after promising them a girls night out. You don’t want to loose the O.G “Mati” but your priorities have changed as well as doubled. You’re trying not to let anyone down but yet you find yourself constantly feeling guilty.

Speaking of going out, it had been a while so I was pretty excited about this upcoming 30th. Once again I hadn’t planned anything and last minute remembered this LPD ( little pink dress)  that I hadn’t worn yet. Another one from Klassic Designs to add to my wardrobe. It’s either leg or cleavage for me and this dress has both so I chose leg and paired it with this Christopher Graf throwback vintage inspired jacket that a special friend from work gave me. If this jacket doesn’t say woman I don’t know what will.

It’s safe to say my transition was more trial and error as well as research and development! Lets save that for the next blog post shall we. Keen to hear about your transition though.

13 thoughts on “The Transition”

  • 1
    Anonymous on August 22, 2015 Reply

    Creation is amazing. The only consistent thing in life is change. Once it stops there is no life. Transition is God given together with beauty. Well done on bringing it out in the article and the piece is on point. The red is a reminder of spring coming. Have a blessed week. Cannot wait for the Spring collection. Bapa.

    • 2
      Anonymous on August 23, 2015 Reply

      Pink not red. My colours!!!! Need to transition from grade 1. ☺️ My apologies.

      • 3
        L'entendre on August 25, 2015 Reply

        Haha you are forgiven! Thanks for dropping by , appreciate the love!!

  • 4
    Sach on August 18, 2015 Reply

    For my transition my sister said to me welcome to the world where you will know that you are not normal and that your upbringing was not normal… Mam101.
    Didnt quite get wat she meant wen she said it but I pretty mych realised it the first week of being at my inlaws house. I mourned my upbringing and the normal stuff and realized from here on what normal to me is not normal to where I am and above all how I want things done is also not normal to my husband and vice versa… It was then that we apoke about it and were open and began to build our new normal and were tolerant with each other and the behaviours after all We were dealing with over 30yrs of learned behaviours and normal which was foreign to each one of us. 4 years on we are gaining ground on the 30yrs…Transition is not easy in this day and age and so much is placed on culture perspective of marriage and then the World secular view where Feminism & chauvanistic straits fight it out BUT not many consider the God view of marriage. As an independent strong ambitious young woman I decided early on to respect culture BUT the God view and design of marriage became my compass and what surprized me the most was it met or fed all aspects of culture and the world view…the feminist in me was satisfied and the culuture around me was satisfied. Its been 4 years and I have gained ground and will continue to gain ground for in marriage we are ever in transition.

    • 5
      L'entendre on August 22, 2015 Reply

      Firstly let me apologize for the late reply, was saving this post for a cup of coffee and heated blanket moment! There is so much wisdom here! “We began to build our new normal” You’ve found the perfect words to describe the transition! It’s so true, you’ve both lived a certain way your whole life and next thing everything is different and you’re both bringing YOUR normal in the home. For me it was literally down to using new pots! I knew how to cook with my mothers pots, but somehow I would almost burn everything with my mother in law’s pots and my food just didn’t taste the same! It really used to stress me out because I desperately wanted everyone to like my cooking!

      It’s true communication is KING in marriage especially in those early days! I also love what you said about the ‘God view met all aspects of culture’ , I couldn’t agree more! Congratulations on 4 years and creating your own new normal (I’m stealing that by the way) , we’re also 4 years in December. Let’s not take all the hard work we’ve put into those years for granted! Celebrate!

  • 6
    duchessgx on August 17, 2015 Reply

    I love this,but is it weird that a similar thing is happening to me but because I am the only one out of my friends in a relationship and a serious one at that. You feel guilty for being caught in the middle.

    You are growing into a beautiful woman Mati and thanks for being brave to say the things most of us are thinking but just won’t say

    • 7
      L'entendre on August 17, 2015 Reply

      Yes, it’s this constant guilt, but at the same time you feel guilty for feeling guilty because family should always come first. I think i would’ve been more prepared if someone had said, “these are some of the challenges you may face” . Once again something that boils down to culture perhaps? It’s all black and white. However, It’s our duty to do better for those who will come after us.Good to hear from you!!

  • 8
    joyfulmiss on August 17, 2015 Reply

    Real talk!! Being a newlywed myself I was a bit overwhelmed the first few weeks, juggling an 8-5 job and trying to be superwife/woman getting all the cooking, cleaning, laundry done and still managing to have quality time with the hubby pheeeww!! It’s a marathon but I learnt that you get there eventually. What matters most is your willingness to learn and embrace your new role,

    • 9
      L'entendre on August 17, 2015 Reply

      You are certainly right, it’s all about your attitude to change. A willingness to learn. That is refreshing. Congrats on being newlyweds…exciting times ahead and you sound like you’re juggling all your roles pretty well!

  • 10
    Anonymous on August 17, 2015 Reply

    Acknowledging the challenges of transition in all its forms and then having the courage to express the deeper issues is a great way to finding a balance where you can remain true to yourself while considering,your partner,your family, your friends and your culture.
    The gorgeous vintage jacket has found a home that showcases a beautiful you.

    • 11
      L'entendre on August 17, 2015 Reply

      Thank you, finding a balance is always the key, the jacket is amazing, more so because of the story behind it. I will most certainly cherish it! hmmm the travelling Jacket 🙂 , perhaps one day I will give it to my daughter!

  • 12
    tkmud1 on August 16, 2015 Reply

    No one ever talks about the transition period. I know we all go through change in our lives but that moment when you have a new title, a new home and a whole new identity overnight must be so overwhelming. I admire the ease in which you transitioned into the role of wife and muroora ,all with the look of a BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!

    • 13
      L'entendre on August 17, 2015 Reply

      haha not sure about the BOSS part, but glad i pulled it off to those looking from the outside in! Thanks hun! xx

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