Waiting to Exhale

08. September 2014 Truth 0

African fashion blogger-melbourne fashion blogger-lentendre-melbourne stylist-zimbabwean blogger-melbourne stylist-zimbabwe stylist-zim fashion-lentendre-afro chic-african fashion-african fashion week-african stylist

 

I am writing to you in the midst of my storm, wondering if you are with me, or if you can hear me. Well I know you can hear me, but I guess I sometimes wonder if you get tired of listening to me. I suppose I would understand if you did. You have told me to be patient. You have told me that you love me and that you have a greater plan in place for me… But I was just wondering, when will this plan actually begin to unfold?  Sorry! I know I’m pretty impatient. I am trying to be better though…But surely there is nothing wrong with being pro-active? I can’t just sit and wait for you can I? For how long? Ok there I am again. I know, I’m sorry…you don’t work like that… In your time…I get it.

I guess that’s me trying to take control again. But can you blame me? Up till the last couple of years everything sort of went according to plan. So I kinda of got used it …Come to think of it. Maybe that’s why you have put me here. Is this a Test of Time? Kinda harsh though don’t you think. To put me in this place. I have never been here before. I am weak here. It scares me. You always tell me not to worry.. To worry is to not have faith. I do have faith, I know what you can do. I see where I have come from. The amazing things you have done in my life . But I don’t know how to stop worrying. Help me!  I am better than i used to be though, I have moments when I’m ok, where I genuinely feel peace come over me. Where I can feel your arms around me. I even get excited because I know this is that moment. My miracle is around the corner! I wonder if i’m ready! Then I have moments when I’m like… Ok, you’re taking too long, let me just step in for a moment.. Maybe you’re busy with someone else’s miracle…you never know…So I try and take over again, then I find myself feeling even more frustrated and desperate. Anxious.

Oh yes, and I am trying not to complain… as much. But I was wondering…does talking about my frustrations classify as complaining? I’ve been doing that a lot with Tapi. I wonder if I overdo it though. I really don’t want to drag him into my storm. It’s not fair. But to be fair , he encourages me to tell him how I am feeling. I intend on being positive .I really do. I even practise before he gets home. Then I open my mouth and a sea of negativity comes gushing out of my mouth. I hate it. I know the power of words, and I chose YOU over fear a long time ago. Let’s just call it a relapse. I will keep working on it. Let me just try and explain how I’m feeling again. I get out of the boat. I start to walk towards you. But then the pressure of life starts to distract me, I start to see all these waves coming towards me, and I have no choice but to get back into the boat. Does that make me a coward? Am I too cautious? It’s the worrying again. The need to be in control… But you created me, why did you make me that way???

Someone told me though that your delays are not your denials. So I will rest in that. Keep my head up and try and enjoy this season. In brighter news. The sun came out this weekend, I got really excited and ripped some more jeans. Ok.. I took it too far. But I just decided to own the look. Those are from Factorie , Ten buks! Mens section. The denim shirt is Tapi’s. Dare to look in his cupboard when you’re stuck, you will be pleasantly surprised, especially if you are looking for an afternoon, effortless look. The flat sandals are from Hype. Fifteen bucks!! I kid you not. So futuristic, they look like they dropped out of space don’t they? I also thought I’d show you what you could do if your afternoon lead to an unplanned early dinner with some friends to cheer you up. Throw on some bold summer heels and a statement necklace and you’re ready to hit the town!

Thanks for listening. By the way, I wasn’t complaining. I was just telling you how I feel. Yours always.

Mati.

African fashion blogger-melbourne fashion blogger-lentendre-melbourne stylist-zimbabwean blogger-melbourne stylist-zimbabwe stylist-zim fashion-lentendre-afro chic-african fashion-african fashion week-african stylist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


0 thoughts on “Waiting to Exhale”

  • 1
    Pai on September 20, 2014 Reply

    I love this.. the honesty. How raw and true it is. a beautiful nd liberating read

    • 2
      L'entendre on September 20, 2014 Reply

      Thank you Pai! Appreciate the positive feedback, It feels good knowing that someone appreciates my truth. Hope you are well! 😊

  • 3
    Anonymous on September 13, 2014 Reply

    Hi Mat. Waiting to exhale reminds me of two quotes from Mother Theresa: 1) Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things pass. God does not change. Patience achieves everything. 2) The closer one approaches to God, the simpler one becomes. The beauty of Waiting to exhale is you have unleashed beauty and sofistication in the simplicity of the outfit and the blue and silver catchy signature. The wait and the doubt is all but human. It is in the realization God is the epitome of our existence that leaves us in simplicity i.e. Faith in our creator. You are In a good spiritual space Mati. Bapa.

    • 4
      lentendre on September 14, 2014 Reply

      Took me a few days to really take in these words. Sentence by sentence I broke it up! Thank you for the encouragement, I love the part about the closer one approaches to God ,the simpler it becomes. I will keep that with me. Have an awesome week!

  • 5
    Colleen on September 9, 2014 Reply

    this reminded me of the song Wait on the Lord by Joyous Celebration. it goes
    Wait on the Lord
    He knows what you need
    He will give it to you just in time
    Wait on the Lord

    They that wait upon the Lord
    Shall renew their strength
    They shall mount up
    With wings like eagles
    Wait on the Lord

    Wait (wait on the Lord)
    Wait (Wait on the Lord)

    • 6
      lentendre on September 9, 2014 Reply

      Thanks Colz! I am learning to wait 😊

      • 7
        Colleen on September 10, 2014 Reply

        we all are hey and that’s when Jeremiah 29:11 becomes so alive in our lives knowing that ultimately whatever it is God has in store for us, is INDEED for our good. Let’s keep waiting on Him xoxo

  • 8
    heather on September 8, 2014 Reply

    Took the words right of my mouth. I like that part, ‘is talking about my frustrations, complaining?’ It resonates with me on a lot of levels.
    I want to step in and make things happen even its not my own life. I find myself trying to work a plan for someone else’s life.
    Ah its exhausting. But I’m learning to do what I can and also enjoy where I am. Be the best me at any stage. Eg if I’m broke be the best broke person. Its about being faithful with what God has given me or where I am.

    • 9
      lentendre on September 9, 2014 Reply

      Yeah, I need to be careful , I am little complainer but I’ve improved. I think it’s just a matter of learning to accept the situations you come across and knowing to let go of stuf that you have no control over! Yes! Be faithful with what you have been given! Love it!

  • 10
    heather on September 8, 2014 Reply

    Took the words right of my mouth. I that part, ‘is talking about my frustrations, complaining?’ It resonates with me on a lot of levels.
    I want to step in and make things happen even its not my own life. I find myself trying to work a plan for someone else’s life.
    Ah its exhausting. But I’m learning to do what I can and also enjoy where I am. Be the me at any stage. Eg if I’m broke be the best broke person. Its about being faithful with what God has given me or where I am.

  • 11
    undere on September 8, 2014 Reply

    I so get this! I get this picture of little Nattie. I used to take these long drives with my dad and I would ask a bunch of questions about our latest adventure, I wanted to know everything about the destination, he never got tired of answering my questions, as I grew I began to ask about the journey and not the destination. Too bad I struggle now with father God. God on the other hand is a usually silent. Answering when it’s absolutely necessary, He probably doesn’t want to give away the entire surprise. Be still, eish but it’s hard. I feel you. Enjoy the drive to the unknown, it’s tempting to want to take the wheel. I can imagine little me trying to lead my dad and me to a place my dad knows how to get to. When you start enjoying the ride that’s when you’ll find you’ve arrived. It’s probably His way of spending more time with you.

    Ps loved the last two posts. That dress that denim jacket, the IT factor. Amen 🙌

    • 12
      lentendre on September 9, 2014 Reply

      Thanks Hun! I am going to try and remember to enjoy the journey and try not to focus on the destination. That is so powerful! You’re so grown! 🙈

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